Duelist in Distress
by Beautiful Tenshi
Summary: Bakura and Yami have always been rivals, but sometimes Bakura just doesn't know when to quit. Can Yami teach him a lesson? Everyone's favorite Thief finally meets his match in chapter 7! Complete
1. Of Monsters and Mayhem

Disclaimer: You guessed it; I don't own Yugioh or any of the characters seen here.  
  
Summary: Bakura and Yami have always been rivals, but sometimes Bakura just doesn't know when to quit. Can Yami finally teach him a lesson? We're about to find out...  
  
Tenshi: Okay, I just reposted this (2-17-04) because the formatting was all screwed up. I think everything's okay now, so if you're reading this, please let me know what you think! Thanks! :)

**Chapter One: Of Monsters and Mayhem**  
  
"I can't believe they call this place Embassy Suites! There is not one thing here that looks embassy-class to me!" Yami Bakura complained as he looked around the hotel room that Ryou had brought him to. The fact that he had been talked into going on this little excursion was one thing, but to be trapped in a less-than-perfect hotel room was another matter entirely.   
  
"So? I know it's not perfect, but it'll do," Ryou replied as calmly as he could, "It's only for the weekend anyway, and it won't kill you."  
  
"You don't know that! There could be something hiding in the closet, or under the bed that could come out at any time and brutally attack me!"  
  
"Bakura, don't you think you're being just a bit paranoid? This isn't like one of those movies you stayed up to watch last night; this is reality. There is nothing here that is going to assault you."   
  
As if in disagreement, Yugi walked into the room and was followed shortly after by Yami; who had been carrying their suitcases up from the cab.  
  
"Oh really? Then how do you explain _that_?" the tomb robber demanded; eying the pharaoh warily.  
  
"Bakura, please don't start that again..."  
  
"Well, then could you please explain to me exactly _why_ we are here?"  
  
"I told you before," Ryou sighed, "Yugi and I entered the tag-team dueling competition that is taking place this weekend and you two are here to cheer us on."  
  
Bakura scowled at the thought and then plopped down on the bed in protest. "Oh yes, how could I forget? I get to be Bakura; 'cheerleader-extraordinaire' for two whole days! Oh joy..."  
  
"It's good to see you so enthusiastic." Yami teased.  
  
"Shut up, you!" Bakura snapped; causing their two 'lights' to snicker evilly.  
  
As optimistic as always, Ryou put his suitcase away before coming to join Bakura on the bed. "It won't be that bad, really," he assured him, "Just be there for us okay?"  
  
"Why couldn't you just have thrown me into a pit of poisonous snakes?! At least _that_ would've been much more tolerable than _this_!!"  
  
"Don't you think you're overreacting?" Yugi wondered.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Yes, why didn't you?" Yami inquired innocently.

"Yami!"

"What?"  
  
"Could you two please try to get along?" the shorter duelist begged.  
  
"No!!" both Yami and Bakura replied.  
  
"Figures..." Ryou sighed.  
  
"Well, we're going out for awhile to get some food, so don't kill each other while we're gone. Yami, I mean it; play nice. I don't want to come back to a room that is halfway destroyed by Shadow power and you nowhere to be found." Yugi said placidly, taking his suitcase from the darker spirit and putting it under the bed before heading to the door.  
  
"Don't worry, we'll behave." Yami replied sternly with a glare in Bakura's direction.  
  
"Somehow I doubt that..." Yugi whispered to Ryou, as the taller boy followed him out the door.  
  
As soon as they were gone, Yami took out his deck and started organizing his cards. Bakura smirked and went over to watch as the pharaoh began shuffling through his collection of sea monsters.  
  
"Ha ha!! That one looks like you, Yami!"  
  
"How very mature of you, Bakura. Referring to me as a duel monster, I must say that is _most_ impressive."  
  
Bakura stepped back and shook his fist at the other spirit. "You think you're so clever don't you, you pompous Pharaoh? Well, why don't we test your wit in a duel?"  
  
"Fine by me, but don't go whining to Ryou when you lose."  
  
"I _don't_ whine."  
  
"Perhaps not, but you _will_ lose." Yami chuckled as he gathered the cards back into his deck.  
  
"We'll just see about that. I've improved since our last duel, you know."  
  
"Have you?"  
  
"Now, now, didn't your hikari say to play nice?"  
  
"Yes, I believe he did."  
  
"Well he didn't say it to me!" Bakura yelled, grabbing the deck from Yami's hands and running out of the room.  
  
"Hey!! What the-? BAKURA! WHERE IN HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING WITH MY DECK?!?!?!?!" Yami screamed, knocking over the table as he rushed down the hall after the silver-haired thief.  
  
Bakura looked back at him and grinned. "Where you can't get it, obviously! Catch you later, Pharaoh! Or shall I say you can try to catch _me_ later...since you sure as hell won't be doing it anytime soon! Ha ha ha ha!"

Dodging a small group of people, Bakura entered the main elevator and waved to Yami as the doors closed.  
  
"Damn!" Yami cursed. "That stupid, rotten, homicidal, good-for-nothing, tomb-robbing, soul-stealing, card-thieving _MANIAC_! I swear I'll-"  
  
"Yami? Who are you screaming at?" Yugi asked, walking up to his darker half with an ice cream sandwich.  
  
"Er...hello Yugi. Did you and Ryou get what you wanted?" the pharaoh asked sweetly.  
  
"Yes Yami, but you still haven't answered my question. Who were you screaming at just now?"  
  
"Uh...no one?"  
  
Yugi sighed as Ryou came up to them and gave his silver-haired friend a disappointed look. He had a feeling this would happen...  
  
Ryou acknowledged the downcast look and turned straight to Yami, who was trying not to look guilty but wasn't doing a very good job of it. "What's going on, Yami? What did you do to Bakura?"  
  
"_I_ didn't do anything-yet!" Yami seethed, charging off to the nearest flight of stairs before Yugi and Ryou grabbed him by the arms and proceeded to drag him back down the hallway.  
  
"Unhand me! That _imbecile_ you have for a yami stole my deck, Ryou! He could have done anything with it by now! I want my cards back! I can't duel without them and neither can _you_, Yugi! I agreed to 'play nice,' but this is serious!! I-"  
  
"Yugi, would you kindly stick that sandwich in his mouth?"  
  
"Sure Ryou, good idea." Yugi let go of Yami's arm and crammed the ice cream sandwich into his mouth.  
  
"Gwah-gwph-raph-shyf-rahh-gwuf!"  
  
Yugi and Ryou burst out laughing as soon as they pulled Yami into the room and barricaded the door.  
  
"Did you see that lady with the poodle?! You would think she just saw a werewolf!!" Ryou cackled.  
  
"Or a ghost for that matter!!" Yugi giggled, looking over in Yami's direction. "Well, maybe she had just cause..."  
  
The "pharaoh" was indeed looking quite the worst for wear, due to the ice cream that was all over his face and the odd pieces of hair sticking up alongside the normal ones. The blue outfit he always wore didn't help much either; the coat was rumpled and the pants had a small tear in them near the bottom. Of course this was caused by the Olympic jump he had executed to catch Bakura, but he wasn't about to admit _that_.  
  
"Yami, you look like a monster..." Yugi giggled.  
  
"That's not funny!!" the pharaoh snapped; blushing furiously at the similar comparison that had been made earlier.  
  
Before the two could try and calm him down, however, Yami proceeded in giving a speech on how Bakura was going to pay for his "crimes against humanity," once the almighty pharaoh could leave the hotel room.  
  
"I'm going to wring his neck!! How dare he?! My duel deck-of all things!!"  
  
"Well you _did_ send him to the Shadow Realm...on more than one occasion." Ryou pointed out while trying to look as serious as possible, given Yami's current state of appearance.  
  
"Yes, but-!"  
  
"And you _were_ teasing him about having to cheer us on at the competition." Yugi added.  
  
"But I-he-arghh!"  
  
"Don't worry Yami, we'll get it back."  
  
"How can you be so sure?! It's Bakura, don't you understand that?!" Yami practically screeched.  
  
"Yes, Yami."  
  
"Perfectly."  
  
"Relax Yami, _please_."  
  
"If you can stay quiet for a few minutes, I think I can convince him to give it back." Ryou stated.  
  
Yami glared at the two before sitting down in a chair opposite the bed. "Oh fine..." he muttered. Yami hated giving in and it was only in hopes of punishing Bakura that he agreed.  
  
"Good. Now..." Ryou's Millennium Ring began to glow as he established a link to the thief, one that would allow Yugi and Yami to listen in on their conversation without him knowing.  
  
/Bakura?/  
  
What is it hikari?! I'm busy running from that psychopath Yugi commonly refers to as Yami!  
  
/But Bakura...(sniffles)...the duel i-is about t-to start a-a-and Yugi won't be able to p-play if he doesn't get his deck back from you!!/ Ryou mock-cried; sounding as pathetic as he possibly could without giving anything away.  
  
Oh _Ra_, Ryou!! Don't start that incessant bawling of yours, please!! I'm really not in the mood for that today!  
  
/But what are we going to doooooo?!?! Without that deck, Y-Yugi won't have a ch-chance to compete with meeeeee! We'll be disqualifiiiiiiiiiiiiied!/ the younger boy wailed.  
  
No you won't!! Ryou listen to me! I'm coming back right now if it really means that much to you, so please, _please_ calm down!!  
  
/Do you promise?/  
  
Yes!! Yes I promise, I will come back right now! Just stop that awful caterwauling!  
  
/Thank you, Bakura! I love you!/  
  
What_ever_!! Just go get some ice cream or something and put it on my charge, alright?  
  
/Okay!/ Ryou disconnected the link and beamed happily at the other two occupants of the room, who in turn gave him the most dumbfounded looks possible.  
  
"That...was the scariest thing...I have seen...in all 3,000 years of my existence..." Yami mumbled.  
  
"Ryou, if I ever upset you...(gulp)...please let me know through a note." Yugi implored.  
  
"Hey! He's coming back with the deck, isn't he?" Ryou asked defensively, bringing an uncanny smile to Yami's lips.  
  
Noticing the sudden change in his other half's disposition, Yugi thought a certain rule would be wise if Bakura was to make it through the weekend unscathed.  
  
"Okay Yami, as long as you don't _kill_ him or leave him _crippled for life_, you can deal with him when he gets back." he declared, standing up and moving the barricade from the door.  
  
"Yes!! He is definitely going to pay for this!!! Mwa ha haaaaaaa!" Yami declared as the eye of Ra appeared on his forehead and began to glow.  
  
"Yami!!"  
  
"Oh...heh heh...sorry?" Yami grinned sheepishly.  
  
Ryou and Yugi sighed collectively as they sat waiting for Bakura to return.  
This was going to be the longest weekend ever...  
  
End of Chapter!  
  
Tenshi: I love Bakura; he really knows how to bring the best out in Yami! What's going to happen next? Let's just say that a certain blonde will be making an appearance in the next chapter, so be prepared for the mother of all sugar highs accompanying him! :)


	2. An Interesting Combination

Disclaimer: You've heard it before; I don't own Yugioh or any of the characters seen here.  
  
Tenshi: Okay, Malik is a bit out of character in this chapter...  
  
Malik: A bit?! More like not in character at all!  
  
Tenshi: It's for the sake of the plot!  Now go eat the candy I left for you!  
  
Malik: Okay!   
  
Tenshi: Anyways...yes, Malik is _highly_ out of character in this chapter, but is also very cute so I hope you all enjoy it.  Main idea: Malik + sugar makes for a very interesting combination...  
  
~+An Interesting Combination+~  
  
Inside of the Embassy Suites Hotel, Bakura was angrily heading back to his room to return the pharaoh's deck that had been so _graciously_ requested of him. With the current look on his face, no one was getting in his way, either.  
  
//Stupid, good-for-nothing hikari! Now I have to spend valuable time that I could be using to plot against the pharaoh, just to give him back the deck I stole in the first place!! Hmpf...it can't get any worse than this, it just can't...// he thought while storming down the hallway.  
  
"KURA!!"

//On the other hand...//  
  
Bakura stopped and turned around slowly to see a cheerful Malik bouncing his way over with a bag of jelly beans. "Me and my big mouth..." he groaned.  
  
"Hi Kura!!"

Bakura flinched before fixing the happy blonde with one of his best death glares.  "Malik, for your _own_ sake; _don't_ call me that."  
  
"Aww, why not? It's cute! Besides, it suits your image! Kura: the greatest thief in all of Egypt.  No wait-the whole world!!"

"Yes, just _tell_ the whole world, why don't you? For Ra's sake, Malik, why the hell are you here?"  
  
"Me? Why I've come to watch the duels, of course...and Isis promised me candy if I came along to cheer her on. I just couldn't refuse!"  
  
"Yes, I see that. What a pity..."  
  
"Aww...what's wrong Kura-kun? You look down! Here, have some jelly beans! They're very good!"  
  
"No, Malik, I don't want any jel-ack!" Bakura was cut off by the blonde, who had become preoccupied with stuffing half the bag of jelly beans down his throat.  
  
"There! Good, ne? I thought so! A little sugar always makes you feel tons better! So where are we headed?"  
  
Bakura spat the candy out and then resisted the urge to throw the blonde over the handrail of the staircase. "_We_ are not headed anywhere," he established, "_I_ am going back to my room to give Ryou the pharaoh's deck."  
  
"Why would you give it to Ryou and not Yami?"  
  
"Because Ryou was the one who asked for it back."

"Well, why would Ryou ask and not Yami?"

"I don't know! Probably because Ryou is the only one with a mental link to me?!"  
  
"Well, do we have to go now? I wanna get some more candy first and the machine's right over-"  
  
"Yes, we have to go now!" Bakura exclaimed; forgetting what he had just said about the situation. "Stop asking questions and come on!" he continued, before beginning to storm down the hallway again.  
  
Malik, of course, was more than happy to comply and began skipping happily alongside of him.  
  
"What are you, five? Stop doing that, it's annoying."  
  
"No! I'm having fun and I'm not hurting anyone, anyway."  
  
"Yes, you are. You're giving me a headache."  
  
"But I'm not hurting you."  
  
"The headache is!"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Gahh!! I don't know why I bother!"  
  
"It's okay Kura, I know the perfect way to make you feel better!"  
  
"Oh, and what's that? Letting me shove you over the handrail and watching you plummet four floors?"  
  
"No! Don't be silly! That would hurt!"  Malik replied heartily.  
  


"That's the point..." Bakura growled; his eyebrow beginning to twitch.  //Just keep reminding yourself that Isis will come looking for him sooner or later, and then you'll be free.  Now, if freedom didn't require so much self-control, this would be much easier...//

"No, it's something much nicer than that..." Malik added, bringing the thief back to reality.  
  
Bakura waited a few moments for him to continue, but when he didn't, he began to worry.  Just what was the blonde up to now? He prayed to Ra that the boy didn't have anymore jelly beans tucked away somewhere.  
  
"Well...?" he finally inquired.  
  
"A GLOMP!!" Malik screeched, jumping onto his back and wrapping his arms as tight as he could around the thief's neck.  
  
"Ahhhh!! Get off of me this instant you pesky wretch!! Oww (gasp) you're cutting off (gasp) my air supply!!"  
  
"Hmm! Now doesn't that feel better? Pesky? Aww Kura, your vocabulary is just like your hair now; colorful and fluffy! You're so kee-_yute_!!"  
  
Malik tightened his grip on Bakura's neck while the poor spirit tried to pry him loose.  
  
"Can't you go and annoy someone else?!"  
  
"Annoy? Bakura, you must have a really awful headache to be acting like this. Don't be so hostile; you sound like Yami when Kaiba's been taunting him all day. Speaking of which, look who's right over there!" the blonde proclaimed as he pointed down the hallway at the group gathered in front of the hotel room.  
  
Judging from the expression on Yami's face; he was either going to double over with laughter or rip Bakura's lungs out for stealing his deck. The silver-haired thief noticed this as well, and he wasn't too happy about it...  
  
"Oh _no_." he groaned, still trying to get Malik off of him while focusing his attention on the pharaoh.  
  
"Hmm...is Kaiba actually here? Yami doesn't look very happy."  
  
"No you nitwit! I took his deck, remember?"  
  
"Yes, why _did_ you do that?"  
  
"To piss him off; why else?!"  
  
"No wonder you two don't get along. Maybe you should be nicer."  
  
"Maybe you should go to hell!!"  
  
"Aww, Kura's having a temper tantrum...how _adorable_!" Malik chirped.  
  
"Hi you guys..." Yugi greeted as soon as Bakura dragged himself and Malik over to the group.  
  
"Long time no see." Ryou added before laughing at the look on his darker half's face.  
  
"Get. Him. _OFF OF ME_!!"  
  
"But why, Bakura? I think it's an improvement to your current style." Yami chuckled.  
  
"Stuff it, Pharaoh, or you'll never get your precious deck back!!" Bakura hissed.  
  
"Touchy..."  
  
"Anyway...Malik, are you here for the tournament?" Ryou asked, earning a death glare from his yami.  
  
"Not exactly, I'm only here to watch and cheer Isis on. She promised me candy if I did, so here I am!"  
  
"So that explains it." Yami laughed; sticking his tongue out at Bakura.  
  
"Can we _please_ just get on with this?!" the thief yelled.  
  
"Of course. Bakura, can I have Yami's deck now?"  
  
"Yes! And _please_ don't bother to thank me, I've had _more_ than enough with 'pleasantries' for one day!"  
  
"Don't worry, we won't." Yami replied nonchalantly as he checked to make sure that all of his cards were where they should be.  
  
Bakura stared back at him blankly before looking around at everyone else. The pharaoh was right; they didn't seem to be in a thanking mood at all.  
  
"What we will do, however," Yami continued, "Is let you hang out with Malik for the remainder of the day, while we go and enjoy the first round of the competition."  
  
Bakura's face went pale as he looked at Yami for any sign of sympathy. "No!!  Anything but that!! Yami, if there is _any_ decency in you, you will _not_ condemn me to that!"  
  
"Sorry Bakura, indecent happens to be my middle name." the pharaoh grinned as he watched the shock gradually sink into Bakura's features.  
  
Yugi and Ryou just giggled as they followed the "indecent" spirit down the hall toward the tournament. Bakura fell to his knees staring at the carpet and cursing every Egyptian god he could think of.  
  
"What did I ever do to deserve this...?" he whimpered.  
  
"Aww...Kura, what's wrong? Yami just said you could spend the whole day with me! It's going to be so much fun!"  
  
"Oh Ra! Kill me now!!"  
  
~+End of Chapter+~  
  
Tenshi: Mwa ha ha...well that was fun! Er...I mean, poor Bakura.  I wanna know what you guys think, so please review!


	3. Cheerleader Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: Third time's a charm...I own nothing here except for the idea.  
  
Tenshi: I have a very odd sense of humor in this chapter it seems, so beware; massive amounts of craziness ahead.   
  
Bakura: I swear I am the most unloved creature in existence.

Yami: Duh.

Bakura: Hey!   
  
Tenshi: Anyways...on to the story!  
  
  
~+Chapter 3+~  
  
  
As a crowd began gathering for the first round of the tournament, Isis Ishtar stood waiting for her younger brother. Malik always had a tendency to be late for important events, but this was beyond even him. If candy was involved, like it was; he would be on time for anything. Needless to say, Isis had held up on her end of the bargain. So what exactly was keeping him? Before she could start searching, however, Bakura came flailing wildly through the crowd with a very scared-looking Malik on his back.  
  
"Kuraaaa!! Stop it!! I'm gonna fall off!!"  
  
"Good!"  
  
"Nooo!! Kura pleeeeasseee!! I think I'm gonna be-"  
  
"Shut up!! Either get off voluntarily, or fall off! I don't care, just get away from me!!"  
  
"Hello Bakura," Isis interjected, "You seem to have found my brother. I was just about to go looking for him."  
  
"I can assure you Isis, I had no intention of doing so, believe me." the thief replied crisply.  
  
"Uh oh..." Malik gulped, suddenly bringing Bakura's attention back to him.  
  
"What do you mean 'uh oh'?! Isis, what is he mumbling about?"  
  
"Um...Bakura? You might want to put him down..." the raven-haired woman replied, as she inched away from the two. "He gets motion sickness very easily..."  
  
"_What?!_ Oh no!!" Bakura yelled, trying to get a green-looking Malik off of his back.  
  
"Too late." the blonde mumbled before puking all over him.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!" Bakura bellowed, practically throwing Malik back into the crowd while attempting to wipe the fluids away. Keyword: attempting.  
  
"That's...disgusting." Isis grimaced, looking away from him.  
  
"Ah...much better..." Malik sighed contentedly.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! Get this junk off of me!!"  
  
"Bakura, I think you had better go take a bath. Malik and I can go prepare a change of clothes for you in the meantime."  
  
"Eeechhh...fine!" Bakura practically shrieked.  
  
"Man, my throat burns...can I get more jelly beans please?" Malik begged as he followed the two down the hallway.  
  
"NO!!" Bakura answered.  
  
"Pretty please? I've been good! It's not my fault I got sick like that! It's yours! You tried to kill me! And I thought we were friends..."  
  
"_What_ did Bakura do?" a familiar voice asked.  
  
Bakura stopped and smacked his forehead. "Oh Ra, not again..." he groaned. This was _definitely_ not turning out to be his weekend. Shifting to face a very angry-looking Yami, he tried to control the urge to kill the pharaoh as best he could.   
  
"Well, thief? Do you have an explanation for this?" Yami demanded.  
  


"If you mean the fact that this _wretch_ followed me around without my consent, _vomited_ all over me and then blamed the entire situation _on_ me; then no, I don't!!!!"

  
Yami looked thoughtfully at Bakura before switching his gaze to the pouting blonde next to him.  "Well, Malik?" he asked, "Is there anything you'd like to add?"

   
"Yes." the boy stated calmly before exploding. "I like Bakura, and I thought he liked me to!! I thought we were friends and all I wanted to do was hang out with him for awhile!! I even gave him some of my jelly beans to help him feel better!! Then he tried to get rid of me and made me sick instead!! Is a little company so much to ask for?!" he cried; focusing his big, puppy-dog eyes on Yami.  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes as the pharaoh took in this new information.  "Now, that is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard in my entire-"  
  
"APOLOGIZE TO HIM _NOW_ TOMB ROBBER!!!!" Yami bellowed.  
  


"_What?!_ Are you _MAD_?! Don't you see the act he's putting on?!"  
  
"No I don't! And do you know why? Because he's telling the truth! Now apologize!"  
  
"Oh, for Ra's sake...I don't believe this..."  
  
"Believe it or not, Tomb Robber, but you _will_ apologize."  
  
"Oh? And if I don't?"  
  
"Then I'll send all of your clean clothes to the Shadow Realm." Yami smirked.  
  
Bakura's eyes widened as he thought of who was closer in running distance to the hotel room.  
  
"You...you wouldn't...would you?"  
  
"If you don't apologize soon, we'll find out now won't we?"  
  
"Grrr..."  
  
"This is your last chance, Bakura. I suggest you take it." Yami warned; folding his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the wall.   
  
"But this isn't fair! He was bothering me!"  
  
"Somehow I doubt that..."  
  
"And just why is that?!"  
  
"Well look at him..." Yami smiled at Malik, who was presently trying to look as cute as possible, "He's far too adorable to bother anyone."  
  
"Adora-_HIM_?! I don't believe this...I must be going crazy..."  
  
"You can say that again." Isis muttered under her breath.  
  
"What was that?! I heard that, Isis!"  
  
"Well, at least we know your hearing isn't affected by your insanity." Yami teased.  
  
"Don't push your luck, Pharaoh! I can easily take that deck back and destroy it!"  
  
"And I can easily send all of your clean clothes to the Shadow Realm, so what's it going to be? Are you going to apologize or not?"  
  
"Fine! I'm sorry, Malik. There. Better?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What do you mean 'no'?! I apologized didn't I?"  
  
"Yes, but you didn't mean it."  
  
"You never said I had to!"  
  
"Of course not, but it _was_ implied. You ought to know _that_, Bakura, even if you know little else." Yami stated smugly.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Bakura screamed.

"And just for that," Yami continued, "All of your clothes are now taking a one-way trip to the Shadow Realm."

"Curse you, Pharaoh!  You'll never get away with this!" the thief yelled as he ran as fast as he could back to his room.

When he got there, he pulled the suitcase out from under the bed and hurriedly undid the clasps.  Just as Yami had promised, none of his clothes were in it.

"No!  There must be something I can wear around this place!"

Looking up to search frantically for one of the other's outfits that might fit him, Bakura's gaze fell on a bright pink and white cheerleading uniform with a big 'B' embroidered in the middle of it.

"He didn't..."

Slowly inching closer, Bakura noticed a small piece of paper pinned to the sleeve.  It read: "To Bakura; in hopes that once he is clean and dressed, will join us in cheering Yugi and Ryou on as they duel in the first round of the tournament."  Signed; the "Indecent Pharaoh," Malik, and Isis.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

~+~+~+~+~+~+

~+~+~+~+~+

~+~+~+~+

~+~+~+

~+~+

~+

Jolting upright in his bed, Bakura looked around at the room before exhaling.  
  
"Wha...? It was only a dream? Thank Ra!"  
  
Breathing a sigh of relief, he collapsed back against the pillows and tried to relax. Unfortunately, a soft knock interrupted the silence, followed by Ryou poking his head out from behind the door.  
  
"Are you okay, Yami? I heard a scream a few minutes ago, coming from up here. Did you fall out of bed?"  
  
"No, I did not fall out of bed! I'm perfectly fine! I just had a bad dream, that's all! Now go away and let me rest!"  
  
"I can't. There's someone here who wants to see you."  
  
Bakura growled and propped himself up on his elbows. "Who is it then?!" he demanded.  
  
Ryou swung the door open to reveal a grinning blonde holding a bag of jelly beans.  
  
"Hi Kura!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
~+End of Chapter+~  
  


  
Tenshi: Hee hee hee...you've got to love those two!  So what did you think?  Let me know!  Please review!  Please? :)


	4. Shattered Reality

Disclaimer: Hmm...let's see...I own a chocobo plushy, some manga, and Yami Bakura. Okay, maybe not Yami Bakura, but I'm sure you all know that I don't own Yugioh either, so we'll just leave it at that.  
  
Tenshi: Ahh...I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile! I was actually thinking of leaving it at chapter three, but an inspiration bunny hit me and chapter four was born!  
  
Bakura: Ah yes, let the torment begin!  
  
Tenshi: Quiet, you! Anyway, I would also like to thank the reviewers! Malik is here to glomp you all...go ahead, Malik.  
  
Malik: (glomps) ^_^  
  
Tenshi: So without any further ado, I give you chapter four.  
  
  
~+Shattered Reality+~  
  
  
At Ryou's house in Domino City, Yami Bakura sat staring in horror at the nightmare that was currently bouncing toward him.   
  
//This...this can't be happening! It just _can't_!//  
  
"Hi Kura!" Malik chirped as he collided with the thief, "Do you know what today is?"  
  
"Doomsday?"  
  
"No! It's Easter! And that means you get to take me to the mall to see the Easter Bunny!"  
  
Bakura cringed and looked over in Ryou's direction. The hikari was just making his way over to the door when Bakura stopped him.  
  
//And just where do you think _you're_ going?!//  
  
/To finish my chores and homework?/  
  
//Oh no! If I have to take him to see this holiday disaster, you're coming with me!//  
  
/But yami!/  
  
//No 'buts!' I refuse to go alone!//  
  
/Well...technically...you won't be going _alone_.../ Ryou grinned. _This was about to get ugly..._  
  
//What are you getting at?//  
  
/.........YamiYugiisgoingwithyou./  
  
Just as he had suspected, Bakura came flying towards him in outrage. Stepping slightly to the right, Ryou moved just in time as the former tomb robber crashed to the floor.  
  
"How could you do this to me?!" Bakura growled after getting up to block the other's way out of the room.  
  
"It wasn't my fault! You can blame Isis for all of this, if you want!"  
  
"Oh and why is that?"  
  
"Because she's the one that had to attend a museum exhibit, leaving Malik in your care."  
  
"Then why is the Pharaoh coming along?"  
  
"Because he's driving you there."  
  
"You mean you actually expect me to get into a _moving vehicle_ with that lunatic?!"  
  
"Um...yes?"  
  
"Gahh!! There is no way in hell _that_ is going to happen, hikari, and you can tell him so!" Bakura stated before disappearing into the ring.  
  
Ryou sighed and looked at Malik. The blonde shrugged and then went back to eating his jelly beans. Tapping into his soul room, Ryou found Bakura lying in the middle of the floor. Checking to make sure there weren't any traps lying about, he moved closer and nudged the spirit's side with his foot.  
  
"Yami?"  
  
"Go away, I'm busy."  
  
"Doing what, exactly?"  
  
"Being dead."  
  
"Yami! Look, I know you don't like the pharaoh, but-"  
  
Bakura's eyes shot open as he sat up. "Don't _like_? Don't _LIKE_?! Like is hardly the word I would choose to describe it!"  
  
"Fine. I know you _despise_ him, and maybe he told Isis that you would do this when you never said so _yourself_, but don't you think you could at least go through with it for her sake?"  
  
"Do you even hear yourself when you speak, hikari? Or did you just decide to discard your brain for the day?"  
  
Ryou frowned at the sarcastic remark but then remembered what Yugi had told him once, long ago, when Bakura had refused to take him to the fair with the others.  
  
_When all else fails, revert to the tactics you used as a child...  
  
_Kneeling next to the obstinate spirit, Ryou fixed puppy-dog eyes on him. "Pleeeeeease?"  
  
Bakura smacked his forehead. "Oh for Ra's sake! Don't you dare even start that!" he groaned, thinking back to the similar incident in his dream.   
  
"But _yamiiiiiiiii__!!_"  
  
"NO."  
  
"Pretty pleeeeease??"  
  
"_NO_!"  
  
"Pretty-please-with-seven-Millennium-Items-on-top?"  
  
"...Okay, maybe..."  
  
"Yes! Oh thank you, yami!" Ryou replied happily, already hugging his other half.  
  
"Now wait just a minute! I said maybe-_not_ yes-"  
  
"THANK YOU YAMI!!!!!!!" Ryou screeched as he hugged the thief tighter.  
  
"Oh fine! Now...(gasp)...let go of me before you break my ribs!"  
  
"Okay!"  
  
Bakura glared at the happy teen before going back to the material world.  
  
//I wonder if it's too late to worship someone else? Ra is dead to me now...//  
  
  
~+End of Chapter+~  
  
  
Tenshi: Yes, I know it's short! But there's more to come soon! :)


	5. Bakura Goes to War

Disclaimer: Rated PG.  May contain comic mischief and references to sugar-related paraphernalia. Or something like that...  
  
A.N.: First off, I would just like to apologize (again) for taking so long to post. I've been trying to focus my attention on school since I'll be graduating in a week (yay!) and I haven't really had that much free time to work on this. I have NOT, however, forgotten about this story. Hopefully, with the summer coming up, I will have more time to work on my writing. But enough of my ramblings! On with the insanity!  
  
Bakura Goes to War  
  
As Ryou followed Malik outside to wait for Yami, Bakura sat down in the living room to think.  He had practically signed his death certificate not five minutes before, and now he was expected to go along with it?!  Mortals these days have a very odd sense of reality...he mused while picking at the fabric on the couch.  There must be something I can do to get out of this...but what?

After thinking for a good two minutes more, he finally reached the only solution to the situation: he must go to war!  With a cackle that could rival any of Yami Malik's, he dashed back upstairs to prepare for battle.

Meanwhile, out on the front porch, Ryou sat watching as Malik cheerfully threw some of his jelly beans to a flock of birds.  
  
"Malik! Quit that! They'll choke on those!"  
  
"No they won't!"  
  
Before Ryou could protest further, one of the birds started flapping wildly. Clearly, a jelly bean had become lodged in the bird's throat and it couldn't figure out how to get it out. Malik shrugged sheepishly before picking up the bird and giving it a good shake. "Come on, Birdy, spit it out already!"  
  
"That's not going to help!"  
  
"Do _you_ have any better ideas?"  
  
"Well, I-I mean...that is..."  
  
"That's what I thought. Its okay, Birdy, Malik will help you..."  
  
Ryou looked at the bird fearfully as he watched Malik set it back down on the ground. "Malik, what-" "Shhh! Just watch!" Malik grinned wolfishly and then raised his fist before bringing it down full force on the bird's stomach. As he suspected, the jelly bean came flying out of the bird's mouth and bounced off of Ryou's forehead before settling somewhere in the grass.  
  
"There! All better now, right Birdy?"   
  
The bird chirped cheerfully back.  
  
Ryou shook his head and went back to watching for the Pharaoh.  There was nothing in the world that could make him try to understand that.  Nothing at all...

From his place in the middle of the bedroom floor, Bakura cackled maniacally as he looked at the fruits of his ten minute "treasure hunt." It seemed he now had everything he needed to launch "Operation: Kill the Pharaoh," as he so _ingeniously_ called it, and the thought was liberating to say the very least.  
  
"Mwa ha ha!! Now let's see..." he muttered while scribbling in a small notebook. "Jumbo water balloons: check! Paint ball gun: check! Bow and arrows: check! Machine gun: damn it! Ryou has to be the only one in town without a machine gun!"  
  
Looking around for a substitute weapon, the crafty yami saw a boomerang sitting in the corner of the room. "Hmm...well_ that_ looks dangerous. I wonder what it does..." Snatching the toy from its resting place, he prepared to throw it but stopped when the sound of an engine brought his attention back to the window.  
  
Yami had arrived...right on time.  
  
Out on the porch, Ryou stood up and waved to the pharaoh before going back in the house to find his missing half. "Bakura? Where are you? Yami's here and if you don't hurry up, we'll be late!"  
  
"I'll be right there!" Bakura shouted down innocently.  
  
The sound of the front door closing sent him scurrying to the window with the paint gun armed and ready.  
  
_So much for being innocent..._  
  
"Say hello to my lil' friend, Pharaoh!!"  
  
Yami was just stepping out of the car when the first of many paint balls hit him. "What in Ra?!"  
  
"Mwa ha ha!!" Yami's gaze flew to the upstairs window, along with Ryou's and Malik's.  
  
"Bakura!!"  
  
/I knew I shouldn't have let him see that movie last weekend!/ Ryou groaned. Yami just growled out a string of Egyptian curses as he stormed toward the house. "Yami, no!!" Grabbing a hold of his arm, the silver-haired hikari attempted to drag him back over to the car, but only succeeded in making the former pharaoh angrier.  
  
"Don't even bother trying to defend him, Ryou! There is no excuse for this!"  
  
"What about a random case of cabin fever?"  
  
"Ha!"  
  
"The devil made him do it?"  
  
"He _is_ the devil!"  
  
"Well, there's no arguing with that I suppose...just don't kill him, _please_! I'm sure I can find some way to get him down here without any more trouble." Yami shifted to take in the hopeful gaze Ryou was fixing on him. Grumbling, he sank back behind the car to hide with a giggling Malik. "Oh fine...but make it quick or he's taking a one-way trip to the Shadow Realm!" Ryou nodded and ran into the house as Bakura's cackling echoed down to him.  
  
Upon reaching the bedroom they shared, Ryou pushed open the door to find his yami cheerfully planning his next attack. Needless to say, it hadn't taken Bakura long to turn their bedroom into a miniature military base complete with a badly-drawn map of the driveway tacked to the wall.  
  
/Note to self: never leave yami to his own devices _EVER_ again.../  
  
Once his laughter died away, Bakura took notice of the teen's presence and smiled sweetly. "Hello hikari...beautiful weather we're having, isn't it?"  
  
"Yami! I thought you were going to go through with this!"  
  
"I was. I changed my mind."  
  
"Yami!!"  
  
"What?! I can't change my mind? I think my evilness is rubbing off on you, hikari...and I couldn't be prouder! My little Ryou is growing up right before my very eyes!" Bakura sniffled, patting the stunned duelist on the head before turning to consult his map. "Hmm...mmhmm...yes, that will work _PERFECTLY_!! Mwa ha ha ha!!!!"  
  
"Oh dear..." Ryou watched as he reached for the boomerang. /I hope he knows how to use that.../  
  
With one last comparison between his map and Yami's position in the driveway, Bakura hurled the boomerang out the window. "Die Pharaoh!!"  
  
"Not today, thanks!" Yami shouted before ducking. Soon the boomerang was altering its course toward an unsuspecting thief.  
  
"Ahh! Ryou it's coming back! Make it stop!"  
  
"Yami, it's a boomerang! It's supposed to!"  
  
"A what?!"  
  
Before Ryou could explain further, the boomerang flew back through the window, knocking Bakura to the floor.  
  
"Mommy...?"  
  
Ryou shook his head as the other surrendered to unconsciousness.  
  
"Unbelievable...simply unbelievable..."  
  
End of Chapter  
  
Tenshi: Aww...I'm mean aren't I?  
  
Bakura: You think?!  
  
Tenshi: Hee hee hee...well anyway, I apologize again for the wait! I've already started working on chapter six and I hope to have it done soon. And yes, this _is_ going somewhere by the way, so no worries there. I hope you all liked this chapter! :)


	6. Bakura and the Pet Shop of Horrors

Disclaimer: Same as always; I do not own Yugioh. All rights belong to Kazuki Takahashi.

Notes: Thank you again for your reviews! I hope I'm not disappointing anyone out there.

**Chapter Six: Yami Bakura and the Pet Shop of Horrors!**

After his unfortunate meeting with the boomerang, Bakura awoke to find that he was strapped down to the backseat of Yami's car. Normally that would fall under his "nothing I can't wriggle out of" category, but Yami had installed extra belts and had used every last one of them to keep the thief from escaping. It appeared he would just have to sit tight until another opportunity presented itself…which would be much more bearable if Malik wasn't singing along to the radio, highly out of tune…

"Ugh! Would you stop that infernal racket?!"  
  
Malik was ready to protest, but stopped when he realized who was speaking to him. "Kurakins! You're alive! I'm so happy!" He cheered before nuzzling up to a traumatized Bakura.  
  
"Of course I'm alive, you fool! Why wouldn't I be?!"  
  
Malik looked up at him with tears in his eyes. "Because...that scary thing flew back toward you, and when Yami went upstairs to see what happened, you were lying on the floor! I thought you were gone for good...wahhhhhhh!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, for the love of Ra!"  
  
Bakura tried moving the sobbing blonde off of him, but gave up when he realized there was no way to make the little pest let go.  
  
Ugh! My plan was going perfectly! I was so close to killing that porcupine-haired imbecile and getting out of this mess!  
  
/Actually, you were about three seconds away from being sent to the Shadow Realm for the rest of eternity./

Bakura nearly jumped at the sound of his hikari's voice. In his haste to get Malik off of him, he had forgotten to block the mental link that he shared with Ryou. Nevertheless, perhaps now would be a good time to get some answers as to what had caused his minor "miscalculation."

Assuming I have you to thank for saving me, I want some answers!He demanded curtly, clearly not in any mood to let Ryou think he was happy about the entire affair.  
  
As always, the younger duelist remained unfazed. /What would you like to know?/

Well, for starters, why didn't you tell me that contraption could be manipulated by the enemy?!  
  
/What are you talking about?/  
  
That...that _thing_! The one I used to try and kill the Pharaoh with!  
  
/As I said before you were knocked unconscious, that _thing_ is called a boomerang. It wasn't manipulated; it's supposed to return to the person who throws it./  
  
So you mean to tell me that it has a mind of its _own_?!  
  
/No yami.../ Ryou sighed. _This was going to be complicated._ /It's hard for me to explain.../  
  
Well, try!  
  
/Very well. When a boomerang is thrown into the air, its shape causes it to return to the user. It originated in Australia, but most people use it as a toy rather than a weapon, nowadays./  
  
Well, I can see why! The bloody thing's deadly to the user as well as the enemy! Hmph! Give me a dagger or a machine gun any day! Speaking of which...if I make it through this little endeavor, you and I have some shopping to do!  
  
/Whatever you say, yami./  
  
Bakura grinned madly as he began a mental list of all the weapons he would be buying while Ryou's attention was drawn back to the scenery. Even if something eerily similar to his nightmare had come true, perhaps something positive would come out of it in the end...  
  
"Yayyyyy!!! We're finally here!" Malik squealed in delight as Yami pulled into a parking space.  
  
_On the other hand..._  
  
"Come on Kura! It's time to see the Easter Bunny!!"  
  
"See? How about shoot?"  
  
Bakura met the Pharaoh's gaze in the mirror, but the expression the other spirit wore was far from humored.  
  
"Fine! We get to see the Easter Bunny..." Bakura growled as he waited for Malik to climb off of him. Once everyone was out of the car, Yami locked the doors and led them into the mall.

Just as Bakura had suspected, there were people everywhere. Lines trailed out of stores that never seemed to end, while kids darted through the various crowds, chasing each other or running to get a closer look at the Easter Bunny. The mere atmosphere was almost more than he could bear. Everyone was just too damn cheerful!

Apparently, the atmosphere seemed to have an effect on Malik, as well. If he was hyper before, he was even more so now. "Look at all the people! And the Bunny too!" He screamed, jumping onto Bakura's back to get a better view, much to the spirit's discomfort.

"So where do you wanna go first?" Yugi asked the blonde cheerfully.  
  
Malik grinned and proceeded to hold two pieces of Bakura's hair up to represent rabbit ears. "To the Easter Bunny, of course!"  
  
"Well, lead the way..." Yami smiled, clearly enjoying the look on his rival's face. Now if only I had a camera...heh heh!  
  
With another growl, Bakura trudged off toward a line of people that he assumed were waiting to see the Easter Bunny. Yugi, Yami, and Ryou followed close behind and nearly crashed into him when he came to an abrupt halt. "What is it, Bakura?" Yugi asked.

The former tomb robber had gone quite pale and was staring in shock at a sign that was posted above a candy store. It read: ALL JELLY BEANS HALF OFF!! BUY ONE BAG, GET ONE FREE!!" _If Malik saw that sign…_

"Er…nothing…I'm just a little dizzy from the fall before, that's all. Perhaps we should go this way to get to the Bunny; it's less crowded than-"

"JELLY BEANS!!!!!!!!!!!"

Malik shrieked so loud that the noise from the crowds fell to a light murmur. As if he had been placed in a trance, Malik began treating the two pieces he held of Bakura's hair as if they were controls on a robot. "MUST. HAVE. JELLY. BEANS!!!! Well, what are you waiting for?! GO!!!!" He yelled, yanking Bakura's hair in all sorts of directions to get him moving. Yami Yugi almost pitied the poor thief. _Almost.___

Bakura staggered into the store, with Yugi and the others following close behind. He hoped one of them had money on them…otherwise; he was in danger of being torn to pieces. Malik swayed back and forth as he looked in all the barrels of candy. Although this caused Bakura to bump into half the customers in the store, the stubborn thief refused to apologize. There was only so much he could be forced to do, and apologizing was definitely not one of those things.

"Ah ha! There! In the corner! Hurry Kura! We have to get to them before anyone else does!" Malik proclaimed as he continued to yank the thief's hair in eight different directions.

"That's easier said than done, you know! Look at all the people in here!"

"I DON'T CARE!! GET ME THOSE JELLY BEANS!"

"Alright! Alright!"

Bakura made his way over to the barrel full of jelly beans as best he could, but a crowd of children came in right before he could reach it. By the time he actually got through, the bags of jelly beans were gone.

Dear Ra…I fear this will be the end of me…

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!! KURAKINS!!!! THERE'S NONE LEFT!!!!!"

"Now Malik, this is no time to panic! I'm sure we can find some more jelly beans somewhere else!"

"Oh yeah?! Are you sure?"

"Yes! All we have to do is look!" Suddenly, an idea dawned on him. "Isn't that right, _Pharaoh_?" Yami had been looking around at all the various sorts of candy, and hadn't been paying much attention to the conversations around him. That was all Bakura needed to trick him into taking Malik off his hands.

"Well, Pharaoh? Surely you know of other places…" the spirit continued patiently.

"Sorry, what?"

"Malik wants jelly beans and there aren't any left here. I was just saying that all we have to do is look somewhere else for them. Surely you know of a place that might carry them?"

"Oh, um, yes…of course." The look in Bakura's eyes made Yami nervous. "Good! It's settled then! Malik, you go with Yami to get some jelly beans!"

Before the Pharaoh could protest, Bakura set Malik down on the ground and made his way quickly to the exit. Yami turned to look at the pouting boy in front of him. Bakura wouldn't be getting away with this for long. He would make sure of that.

"Well then," He cleared his throat and motioned for Yugi and Ryou to come over to where he was standing, "We had better hurry. We wouldn't want anyone else getting those jelly beans, now would we?"

Malik eagerly shook his head 'no' and jumped on Yami's back. Grabbing a fistful of the pharaoh's hair, he sighed. "Well, it's not very maneuverable, but it'll do."

"I'm so glad…" Yami muttered.

Outside of the store, and walking as fast as he could away from it, Bakura cackled loudly. Now that Malik was out of the way, he could focus his attention on something more important. Like getting out of the mall without being noticed by the others as they left to look for Malik's candy.

Obviously, he couldn't take the main way out so he would have to find an exit through one of the stores around him. After all, what store didn't have an exit to the staff parking lot at the side of the mall? From there, it would only be a short walk to the main parking lot, where he could find Yami's car and hotwire it to escape.

Scanning over the names of the stores closest to him, Bakura ducked into a small pet shop. The others would never think to look for him here; they knew how much he hated animals that didn't have the potential to poison or kill at whim.

As soon as the clerk's attention was drawn elsewhere, he jumped over the counter and ran into the back room that led out to the parking lot. Sadly, he had forgotten to check for other employees before entering the room and was shoved right back out by a stock manager.

"Looks like I'll just have to wait a little longer. And if all else fails, they can go take a nice coffee break in the Shadow Realm!"

"Meow?"

Bakura looked down to find that one of the kittens had gotten out of its cage and was rubbing up against his legs. First Malik, and now this little ball of fuzz! He just couldn't understand it. Why did every creature that was starving for attention come to him?! Maybe a nice death glare would make it go away…

"Meow! Meow!" If anything, it encouraged the kitten, which was now sharpening its claws on his legs.

"Oww! Quit that you stupid furball!!"

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because the next thing he knew, the kitten's teeth were sinking deep into his leg.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Hopping from foot to foot, Bakura tried to shake the offending creature off of him, but that only caused the kitten to dig its claws into his leg to hold on. "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! GET OFF OF ME YOU MANGY FELINE!!!!"

Well, so much for being discreet…

By the time Malik had gotten himself situated on Yami's back, Bakura had already disappeared out of the Pharaoh's line of sight. Not that it mattered; the Thief caused trouble wherever he went, so it was only a matter of time before screams betrayed his location. With this in mind, Yami decided to be mature and make the best of the situation by calmly walking out into the main area of the mall to look for another candy store. As Yugi and Ryou chatted happily between themselves, Yami made sure to keep an ear out for screams of anguish and outrage.

Needless to say, he wasn't disappointed.

From inside a seemingly harmless little pet shop screams of anguish and outrage could indeed be heard. But not coming from innocent customers; from the devil himself.

Yami stopped and watched in horrified fascination as Bakura thrashed around and whacked his leg against various shelving units full of canned pet food. Well, that looks painful…

Maybe this little trip to the mall hadn't been such a good idea. In all honesty, Yami had only wanted to make Bakura see that he could not be defeated. Yugi had come up with the idea, stating that if Yami gave Bakura a nightmare and then made it come true, maybe Bakura would stop his antics once and for all. It truly was the perfect plan. That is, until now. It looked like the other spirit had finally snapped. Well, if he was going to rid the world of his presence, Yami had to make sure he didn't take half of the pet store with him.

"Bakura? What are you doing?" he asked as he entered the store. The crazed spirit whirled around to look at him. "What…what am I doing?"

"…Yes, I believe that was the question I just asked."

"Don't you see the furry abomination attached to my leg?!" Yugi and Ryou followed Yami's gaze to said leg, only to find a few holes in Bakura's pants.

"Um…yami? What are you talking about?" Ryou asked cautiously, noting the dangerous glint in Bakura's eye.

"The psycho kitten that's trying to bite my leg off!"

"Bakura, there's nothing there. Are you sure you weren't hallucinating?" Yugi asked sheepishly.

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"Then where is it?"

Bakura looked down to show them, but all he saw were the holes it had made. "I'm telling you it was right there just a minute ago!"

"Okay, yami…" Ryou replied with a look of feigned understanding. "Don't look at me like that! I'm not crazy! It was THERE, damn it!"

"Maybe you should sit down…" Yami suggested. Bakura glared daggers at him. "I don't need to sit down! I'm perfectly fine standing up, thank you very much!"

"Then you won't mind carrying Malik again while I check the Directory for another candy store." With that said, Yami let Malik get down from his back and run over to the twitching thief. Bakura was livid. He was right back at square one. He thought of trying to toss Malik off the same way he did the kitten, but then remembered what had happened in his dream. He had gone through enough ordeals to last a lifetime, and getting puked on was not one he wanted to add to the ever-growing list.

/I see you're staying put, yami…finally tired of trying to escape?/ Ryou chuckled softly through their link.

Oh just shut up, will you?! This won't last forever, you know! I'll find a way out of this, yet! And when I do, I'll make sure all of you pay for it!

/Sorry yami, but if you haven't gotten out of this yet, I wouldn't hold out much hope. You know, it's a pity you don't realize that you just can't win. That's all Yami wants…to make you realize that you can't defeat him./

Ha! You don't know him as I do, Hikari! He's a vicious little sadist!

/Really? I thought that was _your_ department./

Oooh…very cheeky, Ryou. You get a gold star. No, you nitwit! He's doing this to me because he enjoys it!!

/You're hopeless yami, you know that? He's FED UP. He's sick of you trying to outsmart him. Think of it as one of life's little lessons. Sometimes, you just can't win./

I refuse to accept that!

/So how many more years will it take? 3,000?/

Why you insolent little…arghhh!!!! Since when did you become so…so…damned _unsympathetic_?!

/Yami Malik and Yami Yugi hold classes every Saturday night./

WHAT?!

/Well, I was going to invite you but Yami Malik said that you'd be insulted./

And you listened to him?!

/Well…yes?/

I give up!

/Really? Great! I'll go tell Yami the good news!/

Wait! No! That's not what I meant!

/What's that, yami? Sorry, I think our link is getting some kind of interference from the ring. I'll be back in a few minutes, so you can say whatever is on your mind then, mmkay?/

And with that, Ryou left to tell Yami the "good" news.

End of Chapter!

Notes: Poor Bakura…and to think, he hasn't even met the bunny yet…

Bakura: WHAT?!

Er? Did I say that? I meant…um…popcorn's ready?


	7. Hopping Mad

Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to Kazuki Takahashi…though I do so enjoy playing in his world!

Notes: It's been awhile…but this gem is now finished! :D Hee! Bakura finally runs into the Easter Bunny in this chapter and the showdown begins! I hope you enjoy the finale!

**Chapter 7: Hopping Mad**

When Yami and Ryou returned from the Directory, they found Bakura crouched down next to the Pet Shop as he tried to ignore Malik. The blonde was busy prattling on about some kind of food that "Birdy" might like.

Despite his earlier sentiments, Bakura truly was close to admitting defeat. One-upping the pompous Pharaoh was not worth this kind of grief. He certainly hoped the other spirit had found another store that carried jelly beans.

Judging by the look on Yami's face, he had. Pointing to the opposite end of the mall, he got the group's attention.

"There's an old-fashioned sweets shop up ahead," he explained, "Maybe they will have jelly beans there."

"Yay!" Malik cheered from his perch on Bakura's back, "Onward, Kurakins!"

The Thief growled in response but complied, trudging off in the general direction of the candy shop.

Yami fell in beside them as the rest of the group followed suit, starting up their earlier conversations. He shot Bakura a triumphant smile as the Thief navigated the crowds irritably, looking for the entire world like he was going to his execution.

"I heard from Ryou that you've given up. A _wise_ decision…" Yami remarked proudly.

If anything, the Thief just bristled more. _So much for nearly admitting defeat…_

"I've done nothing of the kind, _Pharaoh_, and I'll prove my superiority over your porcupine brain yet," Bakura shot back.

"Ha ha ha! We'll see. I've also learned that the Easter Bunny will be making an appearance in this area of the mall soon. Seeing as how we missed the first opportunity, I hope you're ready to get your picture taken."

Bakura cringed as Yami strode on ahead, chuckling. Even the Shadow Realm couldn't hold such horrors as this.

Malik, of course, grew even more animated by the news. "Finally! I get to see the BUNNY! Hurry up, Kura! I want to get in line before anyone else does, and I still need my jelly beans first!"

"We must always think of priorities…" Bakura replied under his breath. He walked on in silence until they reached the sweet shop.

Malik 'ooh'd and 'aah'd at the display of candies and other treats that lined the aisles. Then he spotted a table near the register, piled high with gift bags full of jelly beans.

Leaping from the Thief's back, he grabbed the largest shopping basket he could find and started filling it. Bakura nearly took the chance to dart away again, but Yami was watching him like a hawk. A hawk that devoured its prey no matter how fast it ran.

Bakura would _NOT_ go out like that. It was much more satisfying to take your enemy with you.

As Malik checked out at the register, music drifted in from outside.

The Thief paled, knowing full well that the terrible moment he had been dreading had arrived…

_The Easter Bunny was here. _

"IT'S THE BUNNY!" Malik screeched, snatching his bag of purchases from the stunned clerk and jumping onto Bakura's back once again. "LET'S GO, KURAKINS! MUSH, MUSH!" The dark spirit knocked over several displays as he staggered out of the store with a snarl.

Yami watched all of this with amusement and followed. At long last, Bakura would finally get what was coming to him.

Yugi and Ryou ran up to them just as they stepped into line. "They're saying the Bunny should be here any minute now," Yugi said excitedly, looking around the crowd for any sign of the expected guest.

It hadn't taken long for many to gather. Small children tugged on their parents' arms impatiently as they waited. Then, shouts of approval rose from the group as the Easter Bunny and his entourage of baby chicks made their way onto the stage.

Malik cheered every time the crowd moved forward and soon they were next in line.

Ryou patted Bakura on the shoulder as the other grew more agitated. "You'll survive, Yami," the teen assured him with a laugh. To his surprise, Bakura cackled back. "Yes, but will _he_?" he motioned to the Pharaoh, "I'm not done yet, _hikari_…"

Ryou gulped as he watched Bakura climb the last steps to the stage, grinning wickedly.

"Who's next?" one of the baby chicks asked, "You there, with the silver hair – are you ready for your photo with the Easter Bunny?"

"More than you can possibly imagine…" Bakura snickered under his breath.

Malik scrambled off of his back and ran into the Bunny's arms as the photographers started snapping away.

Bakura seized this opportunity to attack.

Drawing upon the Shadow Power of the Ring from afar, he summoned several eerily familiar creatures from the Graveyard. Twelve Toon Rabbits sprang into the crowd, laughing maniacally as they began spreading confusion and chaos. Fear dawned on the faces of many as they realized this was not part of the program, and several people tried to run, only to be knocked down as the duel monsters hopped erratically through the masses.

Bakura caught a glimpse of Yami in the madness and noted his look of grim determination.

/Not so confident in your abilities now, are you Pharaoh? Heh heh heh…It would seem I win _again_…/

The dark spirit was so busy basking in his own glory; he didn't notice several of the baby chicks taking off their masks. One of them tapped him on the shoulder. Turning, Bakura came face-to-face with a mall security guard. He froze when he saw the badge on the man's hat, then grinned sheepishly & shrugged.

"Can I help you, Officer?" he asked innocently.

"Yeah, would you follow us, please?"

Bakura gulped. "Certainly…" he croaked. Oh, how he _hated_ law enforcement. They were always making trouble for him no matter what era he was in.

Taking a deep breath, he turned and dove into the crowd. "RUN!" he screamed as he darted for the exit. Unfortunately, the guards anticipated this reaction and weren't far behind. Baby chicks appeared around him on all sides, and soon Bakura was lost in a cluster of yellow feathers, hollering away as the guards fought to detain him.

Back in the crowd, Yami was busy using the combined powers of his Millenium Puzzle & Dark Magician to send the Toon Rabbits back to the Shadow Realm. Yugi and Ryou assisted by calming the frightened shoppers as Malik watched from the stage with the Easter Bunny.

The photographers continued to take pictures as the scene unfolded, likely hoping to get their shots on the evening news.

Once the emergency was over and everyone went back to milling around the stage, Yami joined the others as they watched Bakura's ongoing struggle with the guards.

"I knew Bakura would attempt something like this," Yugi sighed, "He never learns…" Ryou shook his head dismally. His darker half certainly was determined to dig his own grave.

Soon they were joined by familiar faces as Kaiba and Mokuba strolled up beside them. Considering Kaiba owned the mall, it was no surprise that the ever-cautious CEO had hidden security right in plain sight.

Yami nodded to the teen respectfully. "Thank you for your help," he said.

"You're welcome," Kaiba replied, "But I didn't do it for you. I really _hate_ those rabbits…"

Yami chuckled as he recalled Kaiba's earlier run-ins with the monsters. "Fair enough," he agreed.

Seeing that his team now had everything under control, the brunette strode away without another word. Mokuba waved to everyone and wished them a happy holiday before trotting after him. Yami watched them go; hoping that one day Kaiba would warm up to the group, enough to consider them friends.

Filing that thought away as a possible future project, Yami returned to enjoying his most recent success – the end of Bakura's antics.

Even if the Thief eventually managed to escape, this experience would keep him from wreaking havoc for awhile.

Waving a small gift bag under Yami's nose, Yugi joined in on the celebration.

"What's this?" the Pharaoh asked.

"Victory Snack!" Yami opened the bag to find colorful jelly beans of all different flavors inside. Yugi beamed at him. "You know Malik can't all of those by himself."

"Well, thank you. Don't mind if I do." Yami popped one of the candies into his mouth and grinned. Victory never tasted so sweet.

Malik joined them soon after, a fistful of photographs clutched to his chest. Their mission accomplished, the team headed happily out of the mall and into the warm sunlight.

-Fin-

Notes: Ah Bakura…when will you learn? They don't call Yami the King of Games for no reason, ha ha! Well, I hope you enjoyed reading about his misadventures – they were certainly fun to write!

I couldn't help adding Kaiba into the mix either. His sour nature is just too much fun to work with. :D Let me know what you think in a review! Thanks for reading!


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